Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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