My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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