why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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