We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
