WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
