I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
