how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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