She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
