I'm lost and stupid without you.
its not stalking. its research.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
