Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
