So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
