so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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