I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
