Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
