Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
