they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
