Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
