I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wish there were birth control emojis
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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