My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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