Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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