idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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