If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
