he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
