Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize