Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
