I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
MIDGETS
????
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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