and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize