We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
