hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
