I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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