Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
