She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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