I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
