we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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