so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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