FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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