Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
