Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
false alarm, still single
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
