She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
