I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
