There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
