I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
