either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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