Please, let me fuck your mom
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
