The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
