Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
