my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
