Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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