is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
