Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
