wrigley field is MILF paradise
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
