we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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