I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize