Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
