Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
