I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
