I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm at about main and main street
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
