Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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