tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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