last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I need a burrito and a hug.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
