i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
