I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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