I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
