apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
