a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
