The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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