But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
