I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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