I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
