I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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