I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
