She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
